I (male, 39 years old, right-handed) am professionally quite specialized with almost 20 years of professional experience and was most recently employed in my area of expertise at a large, modern company. I optimized processes there and contributed very well both professionally and practically with the corresponding recognition from my bosses.
Unfortunately, I had a fixed-term contract for two years, as is now common, but I was already verbally assured of a permanent contract here due to my performance. But unfortunately, at the beginning of 2018, it was decided by our American parent company that our company would be sold. For this reason, there would be no new permanent contracts until the sale was completed. I was offered another fixed-term contract. But I thought that if the new owner wanted to cut jobs, I would be the first to go with my fixed-term contract because they would only have to let the contract expire. So, with a heavy heart, I had my interim report card issued and applied for a new job.
I was then accepted by a large mechanical engineering company in my region. In the preliminary interview, I was given concessions that could not have been better: The same salary, more Christmas bonus, a promotion after the probationary period, and an immediate permanent employment contract. I couldn’t say no to that. I was told that they also really wanted someone who would modernize the work processes a little and that this would be very good, since I had experience in this area.
On my first working day ( June 4th, 2018), I was guided through the entire company by my department manager and introduced to the other department managers and essential people, often with the indication that I would take over after his retirement. They should therefore know me.
On my second day at work ( June 5th, 2018), I could already see the extent of my wrong decision: I had gone from a modern company to what felt like the Middle Ages: Books were partially written all over with ballpoint pen. Just not in the last line! Here, the reference number had to be entered with a green pen because (original quote) “we have been entering this here with a green pen for 30 years!” Here, no one was a specialist. Everybody worked only according to the principle: We have always done it this way, and everybody worked only in such a way, as it was shown to him quasi already before and because “that is just so.”
But I was in a dilemma: I couldn’t come to people who had worked there for decades with suggestions for improvement in the first few days. From the second day on, all I did at home was swear about the company and couldn’t leave a good mark. I suspect this is also where the conflict started on the very second day when I realized the extent of my decision.
It was a pure catastrophe! But I had no choice. The contract was signed, and because of my specialization, I didn’t have much choice of jobs if I wasn’t willing to travel 100 kilometers to get there.
But it felt like it was getting worse with each passing day. I was hired to support a team with two women. But these two had no dream of introducing me reasonably to the PC systems and their logic. I was only told what was necessary so that I could perform the simplest processes. But it was also impossible to familiarize myself independently because every customer had different requirements, and there were no guidelines and nothing to orient me by. I was dependent on the goodwill of my colleagues. Even the deputy head of the department did not seem to be well-disposed towards me. He was very distant from me, used the familiar form of “du,” and demanded the “Sie” from me. (“Sie” is the formal form of address such as Mr. or Mrs.)
My wife saw through the game first: She said to me that I was trapped here because the girls here were driven by pure envy and that I would overtake them with my expertise in the shortest possible time after successful induction. And the deputy head of department, G., would never allow me to become HIS superior since he was eyeing the job, even though he had considerably fewer qualifications than I did.
But I was sitting on the plate and was virtually at the mercy of my enemies, which I also perceived as such. And they played their cards little by little. The girls let me make mistakes and, if I was not in the office, they immediately went to the head of the department to denounce me and inform him of my incompetence.
After three weeks, I consciously noticed the stomach pain. Ok, small curvature of the stomach, shit. Active phase, territorial anger, or identity conflict due to my territorial area constellation. Hmm… Both possible, but the sensation doesn’t matter. I knew my subject! But how should I solve this?
I had to go on the offensive. I had an advocate in my department head. In the meantime, the final reference from my last employer arrived: a straight 1! So I made a conversation protocol in which I stated the problems, copied the last job reference, and demanded a four-eye conversation. That was on June 29th, 2018, and my strategy was along the lines of, “There are problems, but it can’t just be me if my last employer gives me an A on my job reference! And I am keen on the job and interested in de-escalation”.
My boss was open-minded and said he would discuss it with the division manager, and a solution would be found.
But the following week, on July 4th, 2018, after only four weeks, the situation escalated utterly: The colleague showed me how to process a new customer, but she clicked through the individual programs at such a speed that I couldn’t possibly follow. I brought this to her attention, and she yelled at me, “I’m not going to let you tell me how to train you!” I retorted, “Of course you’re going to let me tell you because I have to learn!” Then G. and the other colleague came, and the three of them yelled at me, “I should keep my mouth shut here and put in the effort and learn the processes and not fool around here!”
I was shaking all over and close to tears. Then my boss came in and separated us. On the same day, an appointment was scheduled with the division manager. But this meeting went in completely the wrong direction: I was accused of acting as if I knew everything better and being disrespectful to my colleagues. Now it was finally clear to me that I had been wholly sabotaged behind my back and that several conversations had already taken place here. It was also clear that I had to leave here because I would never get my conflict under control! I contacted the works council to seek advice. The works council then revealed to me that this problem was not new in this department and had already happened once a year ago, precisely as I described it, and that the colleague at the time had been driven out.
Now I was fully conflict-active. I had stomach aches, could eat less and less, and lost weight. I dreamed about the company and my colleagues and was terrified of going back there every day.
Four weeks later, I had a conversation with the HR department, who wanted to hear my opinion about the situation. I burst into tears and described how my colleagues had stopped showing me anything and completely ignored me. I told them that I was not feeling well and was interested in a solution.
At this point, I had already written numerous applications, but looking for a new job doesn’t happen overnight.
On August 21st, 2018, I was asked again to the HR department, and it was revealed to me that they had talked to the colleagues and that they did not see any chance that the relationship with me could be straightened out again. For this reason, they would give me notice within the probationary period and terminate me on Sept. 30st, 2018. One left me still the option of the exemption open.
I was perplexed. I had already been demoted to the warehouse clerk at this point anyway and was allowed to pack and label shipping packages. But they had the nerve to blame me for the whole thing as if I was also to blame for the bullying I had experienced, and that was why they had to part with me.
I had been cleanly dumped. And everyone had known it. When I went back and packed my things, my boss still wished me all the best for the future. I took a big step back and just said thank you. I left the company and was thrilled to have the assurance that I would never have to go back in.
I got fully into conflict resolution. I could have slept all the time and never got going again. I knew that I had to get through this now, but I also had at least five weeks to live my vagotonia to the full. But I also needed this time.
Through the applications I had written in the meantime, I have accepted a new job offer on October 1st, 2018, which supported the solution even more.
On October 09th, 2018, I had my epi crisis: I was nauseous the whole evening. When I went to bed around 10 pm, I was cold. At 11:30 pm, I woke up, ran to the bathroom, and puked my guts out. Good, the crisis is over, I thought. The conflict event was completely understandable.
Interestingly enough, yesterday, I was still talking to my wife, and I was still saying that the issue had already receded safely into the distance. Perhaps the crisis had already announced itself here.
Now that I am writing these lines, I feel like I am writing about a bad nightmare. I am thrilled to have the whole thing behind me….
Many greetings and thanks for your tireless work!
Note by H. Pilhar
Yes, an apparent experience report and very vividly described. One could use this as a script for a short film.
Someday, when the “Deep State in Medicine” has fallen, that will be done. About Dr. Hamer, the Germanische Heilkunde, about the case Olivia, perhaps also about me, about the suffering of the millions unnecessarily tortured to death, but also about these reports of experiences, there will undoubtedly be many films. One will then ask, how could this happen?
What does Mr. M. mean precisely with “no matter whether female identity conflict or male territorial anger”? The one female feeling is the counterpart to the other male feeling and is always precisely vis á vis in the territory.
In an already existing territorial area constellation (re + li an active HH), the scale works, and one is manic (li. conflict more weighty) or depressive (re. conflict more weighty). The right-handed person gets the consequential conflict “always on top of the pile” (Hamer). If the re is depressed (re. conflict more weighty), the consequential re conflict hits.
This is what happened with Mr. M. the relay of the small curvature is located in the re precinct. So Mr. M. must have suffered a female identity conflict: “What am I doing?”
Many thanks for this excellent experience report.