I, female, 41 years, left-handed, without the pill or other hormones, am a mother of a 15-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son.
For more than 11 years, my life consisted of working, caring for my little family, creating a home for them, and keeping us afloat with the help of my parents, who mean a lot to me and live in the house next door.
All these years, of course, I also had experiences with the male sex, but it had never been enough for a solid connection. At some point, I reached a point where I was too tired to hope for a partner. At that point, I met a man who was almost seven years younger than me and who was not a potential partner for me at first. We went a lot of among people. He pulled me out again and again to “experience something,” which was very good for me.
I have longed to be with him for some time but was afraid of rejection because of my bad experiences. My family is not conservative, but when we put the cards on the table that he and I were together, they were not very enthusiastic.
My boyfriend doesn’t fit the norm: he has his heart on his tongue, he’s straightforward, and he questions a lot of things, which includes his interest in a “Germanische Heilkunde.” For today’s society, an unpleasant comrade, but for me, refreshing. A man with brains!
Now it came to conversations with my family, which I did not want at all. I had the feeling that I had to justify myself, how I had to live my life, and with whom. The only one who openly approached my new boyfriend was my father because he had also asked me whether I would be happy with him, which I affirmed. He also immediately offered him the “you.”
(Explanation by the translator: The familiar address with “Du” (with the first names). Formally among strangers, you address each other as Mr. or Ms. )
On May 30, my father had still delivered the newspaper and then lay down in bed, and at about 7 o’clock, he died suddenly and out of the blue at the age of 62 years! He had not felt bad or anything like that. The emergency doctor diagnosed a secondary death/heart attack.
After many conversations and during the deepest mourning period, we were able to work out what had happened:
I have two sisters and a brother who was always the baby of the family. I was my father’s real little darling, but my brother had a complete fool’s license and often lived utterly over the top. He didn’t live up to what my father had wanted for his only son. He was unemployed for a long time and much more.
When I met my children’s father by the age of 18, it was like a substitute for the “prodigal son.” My father spent a lot of time with my then-husband, and they started to build a house for our children and me to live in. They worked hard but always together. When the house was in the shell, the marriage between my husband and me did not work. He left me for my best friend and left me alone with my two babies and the half-finished house.
This hit me very hard, but my dad even more, since he had relied on him so much! He even threatened my ex-husband to shoot him if he showed his face again. This was such a major issue for him that he stood up for me for over a decade because he wanted to prove to my ex-husband that we didn’t need him and could make it without him.
This conflict was resolved with my new boyfriend. All the years in which I had only met men who were only concerned about the “one,” the conflict was kept active.
Only when he saw how happy I was with my new boyfriend could he solve his conflict. Unfortunately, with a conflicting mass of almost 11 years…
The conflict was probably resolved on Easter Sunday, 2011 when we sat together with the whole family, and all was well with the world. Barely six weeks later, he left us after the epicrisis….
My friend stood by me, held me, gave me comfort. I had the feeling that I had lost one rock but had found another. For a few months, everyone was in mourning, but my mother changed after my dad’s death. Before the event, she was the kindest person, and suddenly she was possessive. My sisters also spoke up. They also questioned whether this man was the right one for me.
I missed the trust they usually had in me that I would do the right thing.
My friend and I still had separate apartments because after a short time, of course, we did not yet live together. I wanted to visit my friend and spend the night with him. Since my mother lives in the house next door, I saw no problem in it. But my mother asked me out of the blue if I could justify to my children staying out all night. I had the feeling that I was being made a fool of since she had no problem with me going on night duty! It hurt me very much.
I went anyway, but already a day later, I noticed that my eye was slowly drying out. It itched and hurt a little, and I felt that I could no longer close my right eyelid. At night I even taped it shut with scotch tape.
The next day we were all invited to coffee at my mom’s house because it was her birthday. My siblings were there too. While drinking the coffee, I put the cup on, and the coffee ran down my throat. Everyone looked at me in horror. The right side of my face had literally fallen off.
I did not panic; a little scared, yes. My friend was not panicking either.
Instinctively, I also knew why my body was reacting, even though I couldn’t have put it into words at the time. My friend had to leave early, and when he was gone, I felt the panic of my family, and I let myself be persuaded to go to the hospital.
My blood was taken there to determine cardiac enzymes to rule out a heart attack or stroke. My values were utterly inconspicuous. For me, that was answer enough!!! But the doctors suggested doing a spinal tap, which I vehemently refused. They threatened to inform the senior physician if I disagreed. I only replied to them that even the senior physician could not change my decision and that I would leave now. No bungler is going to poke me in my spine! Not anyway, since I already knew my diagnosis anyway, because I am professionally familiar with the disease system.
Then when the senior doctor showed up, I just told him to go to hell! He then had me sign a piece of paper saying that I refused the treatment, which I signed with pleasure. They also gave me some cortisone, which of course, I did not take.
I knew only a clarifying conversation with my mother would be my solution, which I did! It was a good talk, and I made it clear to her that I would be there for her, even though I now had a partner. And she accepted because she loves me.
The facial paresis then regressed within two weeks without any medication. Nothing is left behind. My mom loves my boyfriend, we moved in together, and she cooks for him. My children also get along well with him.
Without my friend’s understanding and knowledge of the Germanische Heilkunde, I’m not sure I could have gone through this story so quickly.
Even though I had to say goodbye….
I am glad that I understood the connections. If Germanische Heilkunde would be practiced in our country, then maybe there would have been a chance left for my father. So I can only hope that, at least with my testimonial, I can help other people understand their bodies and everything that belongs to it. It is also a story of a misguided society!
Note by H. Pilhar
My condolences on the death of the father.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish the writer that she has now found her partner for life.